


dear evan hansen 2

by garethritter



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, i dont fuckinfg know how to use this website
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2018-09-23 13:59:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9660302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garethritter/pseuds/garethritter
Summary: fuck you





	1. intro

watch out pasek and paul im comin for you 

****

dear evan hansen 2 the musical phenomenon starrign ben plant as evan hansen

 **evan:** wow holy shit i dont have any fucking arms


	2. revive allegiance on broadway

**evan:** wow zo!e i lvoe trees did you know that In botany, a tree is a perennial plant with an elongated stem, or trunk, supporting branches and leaves in most species. In some usages, the definition of a tree may be narrower, including only woody plants with secondary growth, plants that are usable as lumber or plants above a specified height. Trees are not a taxonomic group but include a variety of plant species that have independently evolved a woody trunk and branches as a way to tower above other plants to compete for sunlight. In looser senses, the taller palms, the tree ferns, bananas and bamboos are also trees. Trees tend to be long-lived, some reaching several thousand years old. The tallest known tree, a coast redwood named Hyperion, stands 115.6 m (379 ft) high. Trees have been in existence for 370 million years. It is estimated that there are just over 3 trillion mature trees in the world.[1] 

A tree typically has many secondary branches supported clear of the ground by the trunk. This trunk typically contains woody tissue for strength, and vascular tissue to carry materials from one part of the tree to another. For most trees it is surrounded by a layer of bark which serves as a protective barrier. Below the ground, the roots branch and spread out widely; they serve to anchor the tree and extract moisture and nutrients from the soil. Above ground, the branches divide into smaller branches and shoots. The shoots typically bear leaves, which capture light energy and convert it into sugars by photosynthesis, providing the food for the tree's growth and development. Flowers and fruit may also be present, but some trees, such as conifers, instead have pollen cones and seed cones; others, such as tree ferns, produce spores instead. 

Trees play a significant role in reducing erosion and moderating the climate. They remove carbon di  


**zoe:** goodness golly evan i sure as heck did not! thats really diddly darn cool!!!!!!!!!! 

**connor:** (in the background, shrouded by darkness,)( ramin karimloo voice: go̤͚̘ͅd̟̮͔ ͖̞o̯n ̘̙̼h͕i̖̗͎̺̖̜͙g̟̙̳͙̞h̻̗͚̪̖͎ ̬̫̻̞ͅh̘e͖͕̫͓̱͔̯ḁ̹̞r̗̩̹̦͔ͅ ̥̦͎̼͉̦͍m͚̺͉y ̤͚̣̟̜̹p͔̜͕r̩̮a̼y̖̟̼̗͓̥e͍͔͓r̜̱̠͎̪̬̭ i̪̲̱̮n̘ m͍̭̖̱̳̥͉y̖ ̪ne̫͚͚̹e̬͇̭̟d͚̺̠͙̖̪ͅ ͓͔̭͎̰̪y̼̠̮̼͇͓ou͔͖̗̜̥ ͔̘͚̘̘͕ͅh̘̠̩̦͎a̙̫̟v̮̳͚̻͎̥e̝͙̯̳̖ ̫̹̥a̬̜̜̪̝̟̰l̤̦͚̳̘̺̻w̪̼͈a̼̥͙̝̞̘̳y̬s̞͔̘͉̹̟ ̩̘̝b̲̜̩̳͙͔e͔̮ͅe͕̺̘ͅn͈͕̲̤͎ͅ ̜͙t̹͖̤͚̩h̳̼̦͕͇e͚͈͙̭re̠͔̥̦͎ ͚h̞̳̦͚͇̜ͅe̦̱͕ ͈̬is̯ ̟̫̲̗̦̣͙y̟̩̭o̟u̥̞̗̺͈̹ͅn̥̳̟͉g̭͇̩̬͕̙ͅ ̫̳̥̞̣̯͎h̙̪͍͔͇̲e̱̰'s a͇f̖͖r͍a̱͎̯͔͈i̥̺d̫̳ le̠̺͕t̟̞͙ ̺̪͓hị͍m̗̖̼̤ ͚̭̥̺͚͎reș̪̥̭̭̪̤ṱ̭̮͇̱ ͖̣h̗̘̳̟e͙͔̫a͇̼̱̖̪̪͓v͖͓̰e̪̗̞̬͇̲ṋ̱̣̟ ͚̺̘bl͕̱͙̖̦͍͈es̤̹̯̹̳s͔̙e͉͖̥̱ͅḏ̺̼̗.̻̦̬̭̩ ̱̰͎͈br͉̼͖i̱̜͉n̰ͅg ͚̥̜̰him̤͇ ̭̬̖͍̗̣̭h͓̭̺̫̜̦ͅo̪me͖̳͇̝̬͉ͅ ̹͖̹̲͔b̹̙̘͎̰̰r̼̬i̹͈͍̳̺̜ng̞ ̜̙̗̲͔̺h̹͈̘̻̦͙i̯m ̺̥̦ho̲̘̠͔͉̱̼me̼̲͎̯

 **jarted** : apple customer service? yes. hi id like to ask about water damage to my laptop i fucking dropped it in a lake


	3. jared struggles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to bophie for sending me some good fanart i dont know how to attach it but it exists

**jared:** hey evan  
**evan:** hey jart  
**jared:** hey evan do you know what an upgamers is  
**evan:** no whats upgamers  
**jared:** whats up gamers welcome to my youtube channel today id be streaming me playing world of warcraft or something (what do the cool kids do with youtube evan help me) but my computer is literally at the bottom of a lake and Apple customer service is not helping because apparently "hiring divers to go to the bottom of a lake that you wont tell us the location of" isn't applicable to the support apple can provide


	4. evan hansen has an existential crisis

**evan:** lol whet the feckin hell is ae tree


	5. the connor project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> revive allegiance on broadway

**_you have been added to "the connor project" group chat_ **  


**cooljared666:** hey whats up gamers  
**ilovetreessogoshdarnmuch:** shut up jared i will block you out of here  
**Alana_Heck:** PLEASE be nice. Also Zoe wanted to be in here so she is  
**ilovetreessogoshdarnmuch:** haha alana what

_**ilovetreessogoshdarnmuch left the group**_

**cooljared666:** holy shit

**zoeeeeeeeeepmruefpyhy:** hey dudes what the heck is going on here **Alana_Heck:** ZOE 

**_"the connor project" has been renamed "save evan 2k17"_**

**_you have been removed from "the connor project" group chat_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this a cliffhanger? no  
> its a look into the daily lives of our favorite kiddos


	6. lorax ass

_**exerpt from a note between connor and evan** _

**connor:** hey evan. what the hell is a tree

**evan:** well connor im glad you asked! i love trees thats all u need to know

**connor:** damn nice you lorax ass motherfucker

**evan:** thanks connor im glad were friends 

**jared:** its 6 am. the person writing this is tired pelase send help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey if you like les mis i have a really fucking stupid les mis fanfic that im also writing by smashing my hands into the keyboard until coherent words are formed check it out


	7. the daily adventures of zoe murphy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> send me chapter ideas on tumblr or twitter @ tonyaward and @garethritter respectively

**zoe, 7:10 am:** *spills milk* Oh, Connor! (canned laugh track)

**zoe, 8 am:** *strums guitar* anyway here's wonderwall 

**zoe, 11:50 am:** dear evan hansen whats new today 

**evan:** have you prayed tonight, desdemona? you don't look like you're praying, darling- lying there, contemplating the coming bliss ... darling, don't think i take your murder lightly. the truth is, i can hardly bear to think of the long nights ahead ... but it's sucking the marrow from my bones, seeing you lie there. motionless. staring at me, so innocently. one of us must go- it's you or me. darling, why- why- do you press your knees together? even now, on the brink of eternity? don't you see it's your terrible chastity that's driving me to 

**zoe, 12 pm:** Haha okay cool evan. thanks

**zoe, 12:03 pm** : ghwat the fuck 

(ao3 deleted the rest of the chapter bye)


	8. conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i let my bird stand on my keyboard and write this

**evan:** hey jared how's it going today  
**jared:** Dcvgdvhbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbnnbbnnnnnnbnn 

Mm

Mm

Mkkmmmmmmkkkkkkkjiiiiiiiiiuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuiiiioooooooookhhbbvvccvvbb. CBC. The Njjjjjhhjuuhnnm

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

**evan:** thanks jared


	9. alana beck makes the mistake of letting evan use her phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how do i format things on this website

**evan:** hey friends

**alana:** hey evan

**jared:** hey evan

**connor, in the corner, wearing nothing but a bruno mars tour concert tee shirt, jorts, and bright green crocs:** hey evan

**marius pontmercy:** hey evan

**evan:** guys i love trees so much. anyways check this out look at this cat i found on twitter his name is charlesthecat01 and i think hes a dad

**evan:** guys i love charles the cat. anyways so we're doing the connor project assembly thing next week and i havent ever given a speech befor.e help.

**gabe goodman:** evan talk about how youre what they want you to be how youre their worst fear and how theyll find it in you and how youre more than memory and what might be and how youre myster-

**evan:** thats a good idea gavroche goodman from next to normal the musical but i have a feeling that might freak everyone out has anyone here actually given a speech before

**jart:** i would look up speech tips but my laptop is still at the bottom of a lake. fuck you naturally occurring bodies of water. give me my son back

**alana:** ok so i looked up speech tips but literally the only thing that is coming up is kayak advertisements. evan. what did you do to my phone

**evan:** i was. kayak shopping.

**evan:** i bought 81 kayaks if anyone is asking. we are in collective debt now. i am so sorry.

**evan:** so i guess we could give out kayaks as a way to get people to actually pay attention to this assembly? or jared could hack the schools wifi system or something 

**alana:** evan theres no such thing as collective debt that was my debit card

**join us next week on the next episode of dear evan hanschen 2 the muscial**


	10. jamie wellerstein be my bad boy amv

jamie wellerstein.

edit: this is the wrong musical


	11. valentines day special

happy valentines day you are all my palentines

 **evan:** i love you more than trees and also jazz band jazz


	12. whats the deal with jared eating bath bombs is the deh fandom ok

**evan:** one day more! another day, another destiny. this never-ending road to calvary; these men who seem to know my crime will surely come a second time. one day more! i did not live until today. how can i live when we are parted? one day more. tomorrow you'll be worlds away and yet with you, my world has started! one more day all on my own. will we ever meet again? one more day with him not caring. i was born to be with you. what a life i might have known. and i swear i will be true! but he never saw me there! one more day before the storm! (do i follow where she goes?) at the barricades of freedom. (shall i join my brothers there?) when our ranks begin to form (do i stay?) will you take your place with me? (and do i dare?) the time is now, the day is here! one day more! one day more to revolution, we will nip it in the bud! we'll be ready for these schoolboys, they will wet themselves with blood! one day more! watch 'em run amuck, catch 'em as they fall, never know your luck when there's a free for all! here's a little dip, there a little touch, most of them are goners so they won't miss much! one day to a new beginning- raise the flag of freedom high! every man will be a king! (every man will be a king!) there's a new world for the winning- there's a new world to be won! do you hear the people sing? my place is here, i fight with you! one day more! i did not live until today. one more day all on my own! how can i live when we are parted? we will join these people's heroes, we will follow where they go. we will learn their little secrets, we will know the things they know. one day more! tomorrow you'll be worlds away. what a life i might have known! and yet with you my world has started! one more day to revolution, we will nip it in the bud! we'll be ready for these schoolboys- watch 'em run amuck, catch 'em as they fall, never know your luck when there's a free-for-all! tomorrow we'll be far away, tomorrow is the judgement day! tomorrow we'll discover what our god in heaven has in store! one more dawn, one more day- one day more!

 **heidi:** evan no please 

**heidi:** evan I can see you trying to steal that baguette stop that 

**me, the awful sleep deprived author:** please send me chapter ideas i m running dry here or talk to me kathy just talk to me (tonyaward.tumblr.com or @garethritter on twitter) thank you.

also i added names to all the chapters, tag yourself i'm the chapter 2 one ;) 


	13. evan no

**evan after to break in a glove:** whats a baseball


	14. Chapter 14

wake me up inside


	15. fuck

**evan:** hey mom i am going to get the mail brb.

 **heidi:** okay thank you evan please do not fall or something

**evan:** oh hey theres mail from one (1) jared kleinman here

**evan:** "hey evan. my laptop is still in a lake. i have resorted to writing letters. we better rename this musical dear jared kleinman huh"


	16. HEY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> W

HI I FORGOT MY ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN PASSWORD

 

 

 

 

 

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I MOVED TUMBLRS SO IF YOU WANT TO DUEL ME I'M AT JOSHGROBAN.TUMBLR.COM NOW


	17. I FROGOT ABOUT THIS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HELLO

HI DID EVERYONE HEAR ABOUT TAYLOR TRENSCH JOINIGN THE CAST


	18. SPOONS RATTLING

**evan** : hello. i'm evan hansen and this is jackass

**zoe** : i love beyonce 

**beyonce**

**beyonce:** i'm beyonce. i could unleash havoc upon the entire world by going to this show 

**[EVAN HANSEN, slapping a spoon on his thigh]**

There’s a new wrinkle On your forehead old friend 

**[BEYONCE KNOWLES]** It’s good to see you 

I’ve been away too long

**[EVAN HANSEN]**

My friend, you are in need Your face is gloomy 

**[BEYANDREY BOLKONSKY]**

No, I am well 

There’s a war going on Forgive me for troubling you; 

I have received a refusal from Countess Rostova and have heard reports of your brother-in-law having sought her hand, or something of that kind Here are her letters Please give them to the Countess 

**[EVEN HAND SOAP (PIERREEEEEEEEEEE)]** Natasha is ill 

She has been at death's door

**[ANDREY DOING LUNGES]**

I much regret her illness

******[PIERRE]**** **

And he smiled like his father  
Coldly, maliciously

******[BOBBY FROM COMPANY (A MUSICAL COMEDY)]**** **

Well, it doesn't matter

**[EVAN HANDGUN]**

You told me once  
A fallen woman should be forgiven

******[ANDREY]** But I didn't say that I could forgive** **

I can't  
Yes, ask her hand again, be magnanimous, and so on?

Yes, that would be very noble  
But I can't be that man  
If you wish to be my friend

Never speak of that again 

Well, goodbye 

(Pierre takes the letters to Natasha) 


	19. sophie is making me update this with a gun to my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> evan hansen eats god and ascends

this is a callout for my pal sophie who is going to steal mike faists face and use it to audition for pippin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> g


	20. revive allegiance on broadway 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jgjaglkdfjskjkdjsgkjgdjlgsfjldsjgdjdfsljfds

HEY I DIDN'T REALIZE BEYONCE ACTUALLY SAW THE SHOW SO PLEASE DISREGARD CHAPTER 18


	21. shut up

im not updating this anymore because its stupid goodbye


	22. Chapter 22

paypal me 5 dollars and i'll update this again

**Author's Note:**

> josh groban if youre reading this i love you


End file.
